Mistake Number 4 - Treat Each Other With Contempt
Rupert drove Estelle to her brother's party in a foul mood. She could hardly bear to be near him, and kept making snide comments about his driving.
" You drive like teenager with a new toy! Grow up for heaven's sake!" Estelle said in a demeaning tone.
" Well look at you! You're a middle aged woman dressed up like some has been trying to make herself look like a hot chick! Rupert gave as good as he got.
Number One Predictor of Divorce
Research shows that the number one predictor of divorce is exchanging condemnation between couples. The fabric of the relationship is torn apart. There is no respect, care or concern for each other's feelings, only a need to score points and feel superior. Tearing your partner down, means you also tear down the marriage. That leaves both parties feeling unsafe. They are either bracing themselves for an onslaught or they are getting ready to deliver a blow. Either way they are not available to listen or care.
Five Ways to Avoid The Trap
- Acknowledge the anger your partner has without getting defensive.
- Ask what the anger is about.
- Make the relationship safe again so that a caring dialogue can occur.
- Use your right to clear up any misunderstandings
- Find a common thread that can create a sense of togetherness
Resources
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
No comments:
Post a Comment