The Bait Is Set
Damien bought his wife a beautiful scarf for their fifth wedding anniversary. He imagined her wearing it and looking gorgeous in those earth tones that suited her so well. After dinner that evening he presented her with the gift wrapped package, anticipating her surprised and delighted expression.
The Bait Is Taken
Adele smiled as she opened the gift. “ Thanks Damien. It’s lovely. You are very thoughtful.” She wrapped the scarf back in it’s tissue paper and put it in her purse. Damien’s heart fell to his boots. “ You don’t like it, do you?” he asked.
“ Of course I like it, I said it’s lovely.” emphasized Adele. But Damien didn’t believe her.
“ Maybe the pattern isn’t your style!” he goaded.
“ It’s fine, Damien.” Adele reassured him.
“ You’re just saying that to please me! It didn’t look as if you really liked it.”
“ What do you want me to say Damien? Do you want me to jump up and down for joy? Do you want me to tell you it’s the best present I’ve ever had, or what?” Adele raised her angry voice.
“ I can tell you don’t really like it. You put it away so fast and don’t want to hurt my feelings.” Damien prodded Adele again.
“ Okay, you are right. I don’t think it’s that special. It’s nice, but I’m not mad about it.” Adele defended herself.
The Prey Is Caught But No One is Happy
Damien snared her in his trap. She had been caught pretending and he felt vindicated. But he also felt hurt and rejected. Damien uses traps to get evidence of Adele’s love and loyalty. Each time he does he creates bad feeling and mistrust between himself and his wife.
A Better Solution
Asking Adele for her true feelings without setting traps is an honest and upfront way of making sure they are on the same page. Adele won’t feel pressured and be on her guard to avoid hidden snares. It will make for a more secure and authentic relationship.
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
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